I Wish They'd Had This When I Started Writing...

Thanks to "What Happened to the Letters" for this amusing article:

Here is a page taken out of "The Art of
Getting Over", it was originally a transcript at the Graffiti Writers Local One Union Hall.
(I know it has some serious writing errors, but I'm too lazy to go in and fix them. Enjoy!)


SO YOU WANT TO WRITE ON WALLS?
There are few things you must do to make your presence in this subculture a welcome one. First; Know the history. Second; Know the rules of the game. Third; work hard at being good, or at least competent. Fourth; snitches and shit tlakers get stitches and need walkers. Fifth; you're good, but not that good. Keep your fat head to a reasonable swell and get back to work. These are the five fingers to your left hand, get to know them well. Soon you'll be able to get a grip on your self-esteem and we'll all be better for it.


FIRST : INDUSTRY
Cavemen drew pictures on walls, but egyptians were the first language artists, then Romans bit the steez. The Greeks, Incans, and Native Americans all got with the program. There was graffiti on the New York subway a year after it was built. There is graffiti on the moon. If graffiti is vandalism, and vandalism is a form of pollution, then man has left his mark with garbage at the fullest reaches of the universe. So you with your pathetic desire to be remembered are in good company. It's important to know how graff developed in your area code, so consult local experts, and remember, everybody lies.


SECOND; THE RULES
1)You suck until further notice.
2)It's gonna take a long time before we even acknowledge your existence, even longer before we can bear to look at that foul scribble you clal your name. To speed the process of acceptance, you can:
A-Choose a clever name that defies the norm of simple-minded slang. An example of a good name is "ARGUE" (RIP). It looks good when written, sounds cool when spoken, and conveys a combatative attitude. On the other hand "ENEMA" (actual name) looks, sounds, and conveys a shitty attitude. BE CHOOSY.
B-Use paint, gain a thorough knowledge of supplies, remember that permission walls, stickers, and dust tags are small parts of a balanced diet, be bold, learn a style of writing for every occasion, and write your name bigger every time you go out.
3)Jealousy is a disease for the weak
4)Your heart is your greatest possession, don't let it get taken from you.
5) Don't write on places of worship, people's houses in general, other writers names, and tombstones. Writing on memorial walls and cars is beef beyond belief. Furthermore, involving civilians in your beef is gorunds for dismissal. These are the five finges to your right hand. Get to know them well. Give them soul claps, firm handshakes, and throw smooth bolo punches


THIRD; DEVELOPING STYLE
Although being a toy seems undesirable, you should enjoy it while you can. at this stage you can bite all you want with no remorse. All your elders will say is, "Awww isn't that cute, kootchie kotchie koo." So steal that dope connection, rob that color scheme, and loot whole letterforms. Don't worry about giving any credit, we'll pat ourselves on the back and brag how we influenced the next generation. However, style isn't a cruch or schtick. It is understanding why that connection you bit flows, or why that color scheme bumps. Style is the process to an appealing end. Once you got it down to a science, you cna reinvent letterforms to suit yourself. This creative growth will amaze the old and young alike. Pretty soon somebody will steal your secret sauce and the cycle will be renewed. If this happens to you, don't bitch about not getting your due.

Graffiti is the language of the ignored. If your style is stolen, someone heard you speaking. You got what you wanted from the beginning, some attention, you big baby.


FOURTH: THE LAW
It must be noted that hte vandal squad loves graffiti. Their job requires them to fiend for graff as much as you do. When you wreck enough walls, they'll want ot meet you. Just liek the ball huggers outside the graff shop, they'll recite every spot you hit, with the difference being you'll also hear the miranda warning. To postpone this, go solo as much as possible. Don't write with anyone that won't fight for you. Don't be paranoid, but be careful. If you avoid writing on pristine properties, you'll stay in misdameanor territory, and you woen't divert the cops attention from pastry and caffein consumption (consult local laws to be sure). Remember, if they didnt see you do it, it's almost impossible for them to win a conviction without your damming testimony. Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP! Giving a cop info on another writer wil doom you to a life of ridicule, from cops and kids alike, with no parole.


FIFTH: EGO TRIPPIN
There's nothign wrong with knowing you're the shit as long as you are. But once you reach that conclusion, you're one foot ove the edge of falling off. Watch your step fathead, theres no shortage of people chanting, "JUMP JUMP JUMP!" There are plenty of writers that have been painting for well ovr 20 years, and your posing and fronting looks retarted next to them. Get back to work you "never was" slouch.
In conclusion, graffiti is free,impresses the girls, is heroic in our coach potatoe culture, will provide you with a million stories to tell at parties, and a sure cure for the inner city blues. If it's not fun, you're doing it wrong or have been doing it too long. So get going, fame awaits the fly amongst you.
-Mark Surface