Gender Test for Men, Women, Other. (Beta)

Time Limit: 3 Minutes
Please use a No. 2HB Pencil.
No chewing gum.
Cellphones off.
Note: There are no "correct" answers, but all have chromosomal implications.

1. "The Immaculate Reception" refers to:
A) Something involving football.
B) Franco Harris catching a deflected pass on fourth and 10 and running 60 yards for a touchdown in the closing seconds of the game to give the Pittsburgh Steelers a thrilling playoff victory over the Oakland Raiders on Dec. 23, 1972.
C)The fact that Joseph and Mary could throw a welcoming party in Bethlehem for the Three Wise Men despite having no caterer.

2. True or False? The car should be lowered from the jack before you finish tightening the lug nuts after changing a flat tire.
A) True.
B) False.
C) As if...

3. Armpit farts are:
A) Always funny.
B) Not something to be attempted by an amateur.
C) One of the big reasons Donald Trump's last marriage failed.

4. A man can find the milk in the fridge:
A) Sometimes.
B) Only if God directly intervenes.
C) Only if the milk has acquired the gift of speech.

5. A child who is crying because he struck out in a baseball game should be:
A) Chucked under the chin and told, "Get 'em next time, slugger."
B) Immersed in love and doted upon with so much affection and candy treats that he loses any ability to distinguish between success and failure.
C) Named a plaintiff in a lawsuit against the opposing pitcher, his parents, the opposing coach, the league, the manufacturers of the obviously defective baseball bat and ball, and the municipality for it's failure to turn on the ball-field lights despite the abundance of cloud-cover.

6. The uterus is:
A) A female reproductive organ, sometimes called the womb.
B) A wind instrument in an orchestra.
C) A rare African mammal. (pl.: uteri)

7. Which is the funniest word?
A) Concupiscence.
B) Proboscis.
C) Pecker.


8. A "doily" is:
A) A small, decorative mat of lace or paper.
B) A wheeled handcart use for moving heavy objects.
C) A nickname for a socialite, derived from a famous first lady of the United States in the early 19th century, Doily Madison.

9. True or False? It is rude for a man to "adjust himself" in public.
A) Extraordinarily so.
B) False, if it's an emergency.
C) Not if he does it surreptitiously with a hand in his pocket and avoids loud commentary along the lines of, "Dagnabbit, my boys can't breathe!"

10. When a male driver becomes lost in a strange city, the best course of action is to:
A) Stop and ask directions and don't worry that this suggests a deep failure of manliness.
B) Get out a sextant and take a reading of the longitude and latitude based on the position of the stars.
C) Keep insisting that you're not really lost, then pull into the first Burger King or Taco Bell you see and strap on the feeding bag.

11. Define "Vas Deferens":
A) A reproductive tube, the name of which is taught to students in sex education classes in a vain attempt to get the boys to stop using words such as "weenie".
B) The new rock band formed by former members of Van Halen, Led Zeppelin, and Def Leppard.
C) A Latin phrase describing how men and women vary.

12. The appropriate thing to do immediate after sex is:
A) Snuggle.
B) Fall Asleep.
C) Hang Up The Phone.


(C) Joel Achenbach (Washington Post)/SEASE Productions. (TACOS!!!!) All Rights Reserved, All Wrongs Justified.